Into the Wild

The adventure to california finally begins. It’s been a long time coming, but no amount of time and mental preparation can make you ready for what you don’t know. You can’t use your emotions to fill pre-planned mental maps and projections of the future, because all these spaces are unknown and untouched. The only space I know is between my sisters’ elbows and mine, on worn plane chair armrests, temperature and humidity controlled. I’m left wildly stuffing the gaps with a poisonous mix of anticipation and apprehension.

Two nights ago, I didn’t know what it was like to see my cupboards empty, or how to recover from a shower of tears triggered by my mother’s innocent question of whether I’d printed out my e-ticket yet — I didn’t know, and as I leafed through my folder of Important Documents, I felt like a sham. I have the currencies, coats and all the trappings of a travelling city girl, but have absolutely no bravery to match my bright red luggage, and no familiar comfort in my small town destination. One night ago, I didn’t know what butter chicken and sweet lassi tasted like when eaten with the intention to savour every mouthful, as compared to filling greedy tummies fast. It is like no other.

Tonight, I begin to learn why long looks are so important, why lovers hold hands with fingers dancing and intertwined, why children love the scent of their parents’ wardrobes. If you can trick memory by flooding the senses, maybe you can halt emotions, stall the use of ‘missing you’, make distance irrelevant.

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10 thoughts on “Into the Wild

    1. hi jo! thanks!! it’s going okay so far but that might be because my parents are with me. we went to check out my town today and it’s gonna take some getting used to, but it’s charming and i think i could fall in love with it :)

    1. later this week, or maybe next! it’s been raining over here, how is a novice like me gonna manage on wet leafy roads :x

      this whole town is adorable though, the bike is such a local symbol, it’s emblazoned everywhere! from the bike lane road signs to the dustbins haha

  1. HI JULLLLLLSSSS!!!! i noee u r halfway . crossing the globe now!!! feel so excited for u!!! i noe its not going to be easy but u r juls!! you will be fine!!! :):):) we will misss u!!!!!! we can hold mass skype sessions!!!! ahahhaha <3

    and random.. love the white chiffon top u r selling la!!! HAHAHAA

    1. HAHA CHAR. your internet typing is the bomb. wordpress marked you as a spam comment so i only just saw it! must be the gazillion exclamation marks and smiley faces.

      you can have the chiffon shirt if you want! cheapcheap special price for you. my sister can always pass it to you at NUS come january?

  2. Merry X’mas to you Jules! That bravery you talk about in the entry, I’m sure you have it in you. Wonderful writing :)

    1. I sure hope it’s in there! My first day solo went alright thanks to good friends who offered company, but we’ll see. I hope I grow braver by the day. Thank you, and happy holidays to you!!

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