Countdown T minus 4

Today: after a quick crepe lunch with Jesse, Anna and I went to North Davis to look at her new apartment and pay a visit to CVS. Standing in the beauty aisles and sighing at our indecisiveness is a ritual I will sorely miss. I also finally went to the Dollar Tree, perhaps four months too late? We hauled bottles of tea and dollar candy anyway – Junior Mints, Ring Pops for me, Boston Baked Beans and Sixlets for her – and had a little tea party outside the store.

Last night I was telling my mother that life seems more circular than ever. Before I left four months ago, I was freaking out about writing an email from Singapore that said “I’ll be moving into the apartment later this week”. Now I’m making Singapore Foodie plans for next week and it gives me the same discomfort, body and heart separated across continents and time zones. And so what came next was the hardest — selling my bicycle back to the second hand store. Time didn’t seem to have passed in there. Same two grumpy men in tattered denim and grease, same chunks of steel and bicycle bells lying in a glass cabinet. Only this time I left empty handed, and walked all the way home.

Over the next two days my room will be stripped of furniture, my clothes pressed into my suitcases. From the beginning I’ve had goodbyes and ends in sight, but you can’t help but become attached to a world that welcomes your presence and nourishes your soul. It feels like the Davis-me has grown old, and it’s time to pass on my possessions and go.